Pathology Lab Hoedown

The year is 2008. It is October. In September of 2007, my health insurance changed from PacifiCare to United Healthcare. Keep these easily understood tidbits of information in the back of your mind.

I went to the dermatologist to get some moles removed (super exciting). Everything went smoothly, and I exited after paying my $15 copay. There was a claim made by the dermatologist's office (which actually went as planned) and another by the pathology lab that processed my lovely mole samples for any signs of cancer (benign by the way, do not fear!).

One month later, I received a letter from PacifiCare (not my current healthcare provider, mind you) explaining that they had denied the claim from the laboratory because I was no longer subscribed with them. "Well, duh," I said to myself. A week later I received the bill from the the pathology lab for $700, indicating that my insurance company had denied the claim. I called them up, explaining that I had not been covered by PacifiCare in over a year, and to please bill United Healthcare instead. They apologized and left me feeling as though all had been resolved.

A month later, the scenario described above repeated itself. A letter from PacifiCare was followed by a bill from the pathology lab for $700. I called, explained, and left the conversation feeling resolved...

Every month, for the next SEVEN months, the same thing happened. I had called PacifiCare, United Healthcare, and the dermatologist, all in an effort to figure out if it was someone else's fault that the pathology lab could not bill my actual insurance company. It was not someone else's fault...

EIGHT months after my dermatologist visit, the lab actually resolved the issue. It is now June 2009. I was now receiving calls from bill collectors. By now I was being less than cordial towards the receptionist at the pathology lab. One day, the light bulb turned on inside the dim head of one of the lab's sub-intelligent miscreants. "OOOOHHHH, you don't have PacifiCare anymore?" she exclaimed, in wonderment and awe. Somehow, this had not been clear the last SEVEN times I had called and explicitly asked them to bill United Healthcare.

How this debacle occurred is a mystery to me even to this day. I was with PacifiCare for only one year, and had never had any work done by the dermatologist or any pathology lab during that time. How this pathology lab had even received my PacifiCare information was mind-boggling.

Woe is me.